Perfect Pair, Nice’uns in their Day 

Things come in pairs for a reason. You need both to complete the set. One is typically not enough without the other.  Try wearing just one shoe all day. While pants and underwear are often referred to as pairs, they equal just one item a piece, not two. Hats and shirts for instance; you wouldn’t wear a pair of hats or shirts, would you.  Doesn’t exactly roll off your tongue, does it? Gloves come in pairs but so do a pair of glasses. Makes you want to scream if you really think about it.

New House Rule: When doing the laundry and one shy of a pair of socks show up in the dryer, leave the one sock on the dryer until its matching pair shows up. It seems easy enough to digest if you maintain low expectations. Soon there are three pairs of pair-less socks resting on the dryer. None match the other so mixing and matching is not a viable option; that is unless you decide to become a trend setter and raise the fashion bar.

Question: Are you sure both of the socks entered the washer and made a similar trip to the dryer?

Yeah, maybe, sort of…I wasn’t really paying attention. Matching them up and/or pre-counting is not part of the equation. Check and balances happen after due process of the cleaning and during cycles. Can a sock exit the drain line? I have no proof or evidence to support it. Facts, give me the facts.

Plausibly Deniable:

Black holes, worm holes, time warps or parallel dimensions could hold the key to the mystery. These theories don’t hold up in court though. Why don’t these phenomena snatch up other articles of clothing? I for one am not missing any pants, shirts or underwear.  Towels, sheets nor wash clothes ever vanish into thin air. Does this mean that the entity only has an insatiable appétit for socks or is the hole too small for other objects to pass through? Process of elimination, the washer or dryer is guilty until proven innocent.   Either that or we’re back to black holes, worm holes, time warps or parallel dimensions. Days have passed and searches haven’t revealed the location of those missing in action. Sock disappearances are the perfect scenario for episodes of In Search Of, America’s Most Wanted, Myth Busters, and Stranger than Truth or Finding Big Foot and My Other Sock.

Observation: Why is it always those socks that perfectly match a specific pair of pants that go AWOL? Both pants legs are in once piece, even thought the dryer has this uncanny ability to turn one or both inside out. What’s with that? Same thing happens to shirts. Landry devices, possessed or possessing a superior intelligence; possibly they are even extraterrestrial life forms.

Is it possible that Captain Kirk from the Star Trek’s Enterprise is having socks transported on board, but if so, why not beam up the pair, Scotty? Maybe our socks are being traded to Klingons. Miss matched foot apparel deters from an ugly puss of a face, cloaking equally ugly feet. Sometimes you just have to reach for the stars when seeking explanations.    

Explanation: Maybe this is nature’s way of culling the thread worn and hole riddled socks. The weak are supposed to be weeded out to make for a healthier herd. Not buying it, one surviving sock contributes nothing to the quality of other socks residing in the ole sock drawer.

Corporate Intervention: Each pair of socks is designed with a unique genetic code and an embedded expiration date. When the pair reaches their life cycle, one dissolves or disintegrates. This is a sure thing insurance policy for sock manufacturers, guaranteeing the customer will initiate a new purchase.

 I Don’t Know: Someone or something is obviously responsible for the missing socks. I don’t Know Who did it is the pat answer.

Easier Solution to the Evil: Category…socks for $200…take the pair, please, the complete pair each time; not one from each. Oddly, have you ever had that happen before? I can never ever remember both pairs of the sock going missing while washing and drying a load of laundry. You would think that at some point it should happen. Possibly it has. Think about it. Would you really pay any attention if the pair disappeared? One there, one not is usually the tip-off there is something rotten in Denmark. Sure, eventually you might notice the pair missing but you would never blame it on the laundry eaters. You’d shrug and think they’d eventually show up, maybe in another drawer.

Prevention through Innovation: Staple, tie, affix each pair together before allowing them to undergo the vicious, merciless process. Just as I got my entrepreneur inventive juices flowing, a quest to design and develop such an item, patent it and then make a fortune, I inquired through Google first. To my shock, several items existed on the internet to do just that. I might just have to purchase one of these options, a way to preserve my sanity and a save matching socks. My gut tells me that the same ones responsible for stealing them probably came up with the solution.  Remember radar to apprehend speeders and radar detectors to beat the system and detect those hiding in ambush.

Make a Joyful noise: Not to worry, the Calvary is on the way. I’m going to bite the bullet and buy some of those new fangled sock clips. A fine pair mine will make, nice’uns anchoring each foot once again. Real men never discard socks until the holes appear above shoe level or underwear until the elastic is shot and it ends up below our butt cheeks inside our britches making us have that commando feeling. Underwear, another story…don’t even get me started.