‘The Griswolds Have Nothing on Us’

Day 4: An Hour in Paradise  

We’re here. The island is there. As mentioned previously, I’m the only one who brought a bathing suit. I discover just this morning that it is one that the strings don’t tighten up so well. I have been considering going snorkeling but skinny dipping wasn’t in my plans. Weighed down with water that might just happen if I do, but, snorkeling really isn’t fun without at least one bud along. I’m Bud-less so I decided not to go. No one in my group is going to sunbath on the beach, swim, kayak, walk and/or bicycle the island trails, ride horses or anything like that. We’re just going on the island for the promised BBQ. Go figure, eating is involved, island grazing this time. One has to ponder, does water go all the way around the island. Goodbye Lido Deck…keep the food light on for us.  

We take one of the tenders and soon arrive on our island paradise. For greenhorns, tenders are the boats that take us to the island. We arrive, a beautiful layout I must say, paradise found. We walk to the beach, see it and walk back, and then visit the one souvenir shop. Shade, there must be shade some place so say some in our party, the others I call them. The 11 AM BBQ time arrives. As on the ship, eating is located on what seems like the opposite end of the island. I guess this ensures that the patrons work up an appetite getting from here to there; like we require an excuse for being hungry. Heck on a cruise you eat whether you are hungry or not. It’s an endless buffet. Chickens, real chickens are everywhere on the island; instant BBQ I’m thinking. My beloved is terrified of chickens; anything with feathers to be more precise. She is a near basket case and is ready to be voted off the island. I almost want to pull a Jeff from Survivor and say I’ll go tally the votes; if anyone has the hidden immunity island and would like to play it now…  

BBQ, where’s the BBQ, ribs, chicken, pulled pork…no, we have hamburgers and hotdogs. That’s grilling, not barbequing. Is this some sick joke? Are they no chicken pluckers on this island? As Lost in Space’s Doctor Smith would say. “The shame, the shame of it all...’ We do as we are supposed to and forge on, consume the food provided, and then we catch a tender and head back to the ship. There’s always the Lido deck. I catch a reprieve after reading tonight’s dinner menu…frog leg appetizers…I’m good…two appetizers please. Let’s recant. I’ve had escargot, gator and hippity-hoppers await me. I live for weird food so the others call it. Oh yeah, on the Lido Deck I have already devoured calamari fritters. Add squid to my list.   

We decided we deserved a happy hour before dinner and invite the couples to join us in our cabin. That’s the least we can do since our non-traveling cruise partners (the high rollers) have a bottle of Cherry Rum and a bottle of wine that they want to get rid of. Get ridding of I am good at. We take a nostalgic trip, swapping stories about growing up in L.A. (Lower Abbeville). South Main, Perry and Hunter Streets, Langley Milliken, Greenville Street grammar schools, the mill hill, all the characters we knew and their antics; adult beverages emboldened our tales. I mentally take notes; novels require new characters and wild adventures. This was the best of the cruise so far.  

After dinner, and upon my consumption of six frog legs, we settled in at the Palace Theater. When I say we, I mean half of our original six. Two went back to their cabin and one hauled tail to the casino. The cruise director had assembled several couples on stage for Carnival’s version of the Newly Wed Game. One question stood out above the others as a hoot and I’m glad we weren’t participants. 

Question: When your husband emerges from the shower does he resemble (a) A stretch limousine, (b) A dump truck (c) a VW bug with tiny pink flat tires.  

Tomorrow we are all day at sea; just perfect for non sun bathers. There’s always the Lido deck. How much luggage are you allowed to take off the ship? I feel like I’m lugging around a lot more than I arrived with…