‘The Griswolds Have Nothing on Us’

Day 5: Milk-um Dano  

We’re on the last leg of our journey, a day at sea, skimming our way through the ocean towards Jacksonville. We’re up and at-um at 7:30, ready to milk this cow, our final oceanic adventure before returning to the life of norm. With an all day island adventure behind us, those late night partiers give way to skimpy crowds on the Lido; no lines, no waiting, pile those plates high, eyes always bigger than the bellies. Stan the Man is making he rounds, still meeting and greeting passengers. Sucking up day I suppose; tonight we divvy out the gratuities. Stan has certainly earned his, hands down.  

The pool area on the Lido was a virtual invasion of the towel creations. The fluffy white animals were everywhere and represented almost any animal imaginable. I had never seen these creatures outside our cabin. My best attempt at a towel animal is my depiction of the ‘Blob’, an oddly shaped towel on the bathroom floor. Others don’t appreciate my ingenuity and creative talents so I don’t leave my masterpieces there for long. They are preparing to do an ice carving pool side. A huge block of ice is already positioned there. Guests are supposed to guess what the carver is creating as he chips away. Crowds close in obstructing our view. Fine, I’ll just keep my guess to myself. We leave, just the deck, not the ship. What do they do with the sculpture after it melts?  

We check tonight’s menu…boring…nothing really weird to hold my attention or expectations. I’ll have sushi as my appetizer just to maintain some semblance of weirdness. I do have a reputation to maintain. Tonight’s entertainment includes tow comedians, back to back, the non adult versions of their shows; The Diva Show in the Palace Theater and I’m already having visions of Bill Davis’s Diva paintings. Other than that, we shall eat…eat again and then eat some more. There is a special VIP gala planned before dinner for those previous cruisers, by invitation only. I’m not on the invite list even though I’ve sailed Carnival way too may time. The “Three’ are. My brother-in-law isn’t interested and tells me to take his spit. Chameleon like, I have the ability to mimic almost anyone. I am him and escort the ladies, one on each arm. I become an official VIP for forty minutes. I am one with the elite, the ultimate party crasher. I wow them by dancing with both my escorts simultaneously, a slow dance, a tribute my way as old Frankie would say. Earlier in the casino I played the slots one last time earlier, end up breaking even. High roller status is not a reality or obtainable goal.  

We break bread with our table once last time. Besides us, our table buddies include Robbie, the karaoke singer, Kathy the odd and annoying one who cruise one cruise after the next, Edith the widow and energetic and entertaining octogenarian, and Cynthia, the quiet one from Ohio. I envision a plot once again revolving around these four characters and some devious shenanigans. I even share this with them for a good laugh. We commit to joining Robbie, the Sam’s Club marketing guy, later in the karaoke bar. Oh no, we plan to watch not sing.  We eventually follow up on our promise to watch him belt out a few tunes. He ends up singing a couple of country tunes and then a Commodores’ tune, Brick House. We cease the moment, Edith, my sister-in-law and me, becoming Robbie’s on stage back-up dancers, with his permission of course. It is required that on every cruise, you must make a fool out of yourself at least once.  We completed this task royally. I have the video to confirm it. My brother-in-law filmed the entire set with my camera. Kiss and say goodbye…Pips here we come.  

Tonight has ended. Tomorrow we disembark. All things, good or bad, must come to an end…or not. We plan a two night side trip before arriving Sarueday in Myrtle Beach. Beaufort, S.C. here we come, ready or not.