From Whomping the Golf Ball archives...

My Cheap Golf Date

Playing the game of golf, one fantasizes about having that perfect partner. We pray for that special someone who can compliment our game and bring pure pleasure to a round on the links. A wife that loves to play the game can be an added bonus; especially if the two of you can leave the home and work grind behind to focus on the eighteen holes ahead. This is a rare find for most of us and is better left alone if your significant other doesn’t share the same passion for the game.

We count on our favorite playing buds always being available for a round but often they can’t obtain a golfing kitchen pass from that significant other. What does one do to prevent those unfortunate pairings with strangers? Sadly, there’s no such thing as a rent-a-partner or is there?  Nah, let’s not go there.

I offer a simple solution. Do you have a child that loves to whack the little white ball around and can maintain the pace required to not agitate those groups trailing you? Or better still, do you have a grandchild that lives close by that can be borrowed for the afternoon, no deposit required?

In my case, I have a twelve year old grandson that simply loves the game. He has his own clubs, balls, tees and a trend setting wardrobe. My grandson will play anytime I ask him. Heck, he would play every day if I’d take him. I must not give in to that temptation even for the love of a grandchild. Others just wouldn’t quite buy into the concept.   

What makes taking my grandson such a sweet deal is that he plays free on many of the Grand Strand courses. Old grandpa doesn’t take the wallet hit for bringing him along if I play my cards right. I’ve learned to shop around because many courses will allow juniors under the age of fifteen to play free or charge only the cart fee with a paying adult. I refer to my grandson as My Cheap Golf Date.

 To ensure he maintains his cheap status, I always make sure we take our own bottled drinks and a plentiful assortment of snacks so there’s no cause to hassle the beverage cart girl. Even with his cheeks stuffed with cheese puffs, his eyes light up as she approaches in her motorized chuck wagon. He treasures her strictly for her snack value. I try to distract him when I see her approaching because little blue eyes has this gift for pulling off the perfect con to access my wallet. Best laid plans foiled again as I fall under his spell.

I play after work on Wednesdays with my co-workers at the Quail Creek Golf Course and My Cheap Golf Date so happens to reside adjacent to the seventh fairway. Hawkeye spotted me passing through his neighborhood one afternoon on my way to the course. He followed me on his bicycle in hot pursuit to the clubhouse.

Picture this. Here I am with my three Golfing buddies unloading our clubs and changing shoes when he peddles up. For the record, he is not shy by a long stretch. He has this uncanny gift of gab capable of luring you into his web before you realize you’re entangled.   

As he shakes my partners’ hands, he introduces himself as what else, My Cheap Golf Date. They howled and I had to do some quick explaining. He’s a charmer and knows how to work the crowd for sure. He can milk a moment and quickly took center stage working his magic. In the day, he could have passed for a snake oil peddler. Those blue eyes can also transform him into the perfect little gigolo with the female persuasion but that’s a story all by itself.    

Being an avid Clemson Tiger fan, he eyed the orange tiger paws on one of my partner’s golf bags. Working his southern charm he soon had been rewarded with a Clemson Tiger club head cover from my partner. My unsuspecting playing buddy never saw it coming. He coughed it up to the little con artist unable to control his actions. Needless to say after that performance during his little cameo appearance, I invited My Cheap Golf Date to join me the following Wednesday because Quail Creek doesn’t charge juniors to play their course. Besides, he attended a summer golf program there and knows all of his victims, I mean the employees, by name.

His older brother had previously held the position as my original Cheap Golf Date until he accompanied me for a round of golf at The International Golf Club. The course did not charge for kids under fifteen with a paying adult. Paying adult, that would be me. That particular August afternoon the temperature topped the heat index at 113 degrees. We hunkered down and survived the eighteen holes, but I could never convince him to play with old grandpa after that hot round, temperature and not necessarily the scores.

As I recall, he gave up the game after that memorable round and I don’t believe he has ever picked up his clubs since. While he’s no longer my Cheap Golf Date, I am proud of him just the same. He now plays with the Carolina Forest high school band and performs with their show choir. He successfully threw his brother under the bus so he could side step any future invites from old granddad. He’s happy, his little brother is happy and I still have a Cheap Golf Date to carry on the tradition. His wisdom made all of us winners.

I did ask their mom what I was going to do after the younger one reached fifteen. She laughed and told me I was on my own with that one. She added that there would not be a third grandchild in hers or my future.

A round of golf, $41.50; snacks from home, $5.50,  purchased hotdog and a soda for old blue eyes, $8.50, My Cheap Golf Date, priceless and still cheap… 

My cheap golf date is now a teenager with a driver license and no longer cheap...free rounds long gone. He's moved on to bigger and better things, leaving old grandpa behind. He's singing and dancing and performing on the stage. I'm beaming with pride, watching him ace his new passion.